To future Geof,

First of all, turn down the thrusters on your (hopefully) solar-powered jetpack. To read this, I need your full attention, and I hope your attention span got better 33 years from when I’m writing this. I know well-enough that you get distracted easily in things that matter the most; in fact, I could say this about society in my time. Did we get better? Or, is there still media opposition regarding equality? Sheesh! I long for an answer regarding this question since at the time I’m writing this, we are still squabbling and putting minorities under oppression. But y’know, it’s not like we are going to put a bigot in office two terms in a row, right? RIGHT!?

Cool, now that your jetpack is put away in your garage where you keep your flying car; how did the aliens save us from our own destruction? Did they have this hyper advance vacuum that just sucks all the greenhouse gases out of our atmosphere? Do they look like squids? Big brains? Or, is it more like an Avatar situation rather than District 9? Send pics and instructions in how to build aforementioned vacuum.

I’m trying my best here. Ok, perhaps not — I just had a ribeye cut yesterday, seared it with thyme. It was amazing. I hope we didn’t eat all the cows because I heard that their fart contributes to climate change — or something like that.

I don’t know.

We don’t know.

Seriously, help us. We do not know what we are doing to our planet.

Sincerely,

Non-wrinkly version of yourself.

P.S. By the way, how did the aliens receive that we found kneeling in front of a flag disrespectful but wearing it as underwear and putting it on napkins as an approbation? Never mind that. I just want to apologize to the future for our banter.